... the phrase is used lightly, the frequency with which he uses it throughout the book seems like somewhat of a Freudian slip, revealing a subconscious and quite possibly conscious death wish. He even goes as far as to fantasize about his own death and funeral. "I thought I'd probably get pneumonia and die. I started picturing millions of jerks coming to my funeral and all...I felt sorry as hell for my mother and father...I kept picturing her not knowing what to do with all my suits and athletic equipment and all... Then I thought about them sticking me in a goddam cemetery and all, with my name on this tombstone and all. Surrounded by dead guys. Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell that when I do die, somebody has the sense to dump me in the river or something." (154-155) This fantasy is not ...

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