... up the courage to ask I would feel a giant lump in my throat, as though a little voice in my head was saying "no". As though it was wrong. I was asking a question that the answer would cause pain; cause my nose to tingle, my eyes to fill up with water and my chest to pound with fear. I was too scared. Not of the answer, but the reaction. I was hurting but no one knew how I felt. On the outside I was a brave, levelheaded little girl. Relatives and friends of the family wondering how I had developed this adult attitude to a situation they barely understood themselves. But I didn't. I never understood. Maybe no one was brave enough to tell me. Or maybe I was scared to listen. Maybe it was my entire fault. Was I to blame for all this? All this pain? ...

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